Monday Morning Hangover: Capitol Bikeshare or: I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Walk of Shame

Capitol Bikeshare: Walk of Shame 2.0 -- Cheaper than a taxi, faster than your feet.

A couple of months ago, DC rebooted their Metro-Bikes program with Capitol Bikeshare. You may remember the old program if you ever used Foggy Bottom Metro station or were on the south side of the National Portrait Gallery as I honestly believe those were the only two locations that I ever saw bike stands; fortunately, Capitol Bikeshare was rolled out properly and in force — not only can you find bike stands outside or near most metro stations within the district, but they are also near those Metro-No-Man’s-Land areas such as 14th and P NW, Adams Morgan, etc.

So why is this making the Monday Morning Hangover? Because most of us have woken up from a long night and found ourselves at someone else’s place. Here’s where Cap Bikes can step in:

Capitol Bikeshare means less time hiding your shame...

1) Biking is faster than walking. Hopefully, it’s a Saturday morning, so you have some time to walk if necessary, but that’s not always the case, and you may need to find your way home quickly to get ready for work (may help if you have a Batsuit and can just skip the trip home). Plus, we all know there is an inverse relationship between “ambling about the streets in the morning while dressed for the previous evening” time and our pride, and biking will help you cut down that ambling time…

2) More secure than taking your own bike. I understand the initial thought of “Well, why don’t you just take your own bike out?” Simple: unless you are planning on going home with either a fellow biker or someone with a “big trunk because you’re going to put your bike in it,” you will face the potentially awkward situation of walking with your bike to your side and your hook-up on the other. Now, I’m a very considerate guy who can be quite spiteful when others aren’t considerate, so I don’t really like the feeling of taking up a whole sidewalk with my bike, myself, and my hook-up. Finally, with Capitol Bikeshare, you don’t have to worry about whether your bike is safe outside the bar, brothel, apartment, ghetto, etc.

3) Capitol Bikes are cheaper than a taxi. In the morning (aka business rush hour), most DC taxis are focused on getting the most bang for their buck, and since they charge $3.00 just for the initial ride, they want to go where the largest turnover is — downtown. Consequently, it can be difficult to find a taxi in a residential area, and once you find one, it might be necessary to argue that they have to take you to your destination since it will often be a long-er trip than some lazy ass who wants to go from Dupont Circle to K St. This whole process can be skipped by using Capitol Bikeshare where, after the initial membership fee of $75 per year, your first 30 minutes on a bike is free. But what if you can’t make it from A to B in 30 minutes? Just pass another Cap Bike stand and trade bikes. Plus, I have literally seen the bike van place bikes in high-turnover areas to help balance/maintain access.

The Double Shame: Walk of shame while paying a cabbie to pass judgement on you...

4) Exercise helps beat a hangover. In my first post, I discussed my ways to beat a hangover while in a professional setting. Honestly, your best bet is fresh air and exercise, both of which you get while biking home/escaping from the night before. Maybe I’m a bit masochistic, but I find that forcing myself to exercise by biking home hungover is a way to repent from my previous night’s sins.


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