Monday Morning Hangover: Coherent Stupidity

Everyone enjoys drinking.  Well, most people enjoy drinking.  For those of us who do enjoy drinking, there are various levels to our drunkenness.

Many of us can have a few drinks and enjoy our evenings.  A few beers, or a couple glasses of wine, nothing crazy, just something to take the edge off; make us relax a bit.  This is something that can make us more sociable and enjoy the evening.  Although, there is a step, just past the “sociable” level, that I like to call “coherent stupidity”.  Everyone knows it.  It’s the point where the guy that’s been drinking quite a bit isn’t quite wasted, and definitely isn’t sober, but he’s trying to carry on a rational conversation.  A conversation that is definitely beyond the scope of reason for the amount of drinking he’s done.  If this guy were sober, he would probably make sense in this conversation.  However, in his current condition, it’s really not a good idea.

Last night, I was in the “coherent stupidity” realm.  I had things that needed to be said; things that needed to be heard.  Though, in hindsight, no one really needed to hear any of that.

These types of conversations start out simple:

Oh, the Patriots should have run the ball on that play!

Harmless enough.  No one is going to get upset about a little sports related banter.  But it slowly gets worse.

Come on Brady!  Welker was open over the middle!  I could’ve completed that pass!

You know where this is going.

That’s it!  I’m calling up Bob Kraft, I could be a much better general manager!  I’ll get rid of the defensive line.  Yeah, that’s it!  We’ll draft a whole new team.  Get rid of these clowns!  We’ll start over.  Super Bowl here we come!

Yes.  It’s awful.  But the truly disappointing part about the “coherent stupidity” mode is that it starts to bleed over into the here and now.

Everyone watching a football game, at some point, feels like they could do better than everyone else on the field.  No matter how old, skinny, slow, goofy, or untalented; everyone feels like they could do better.  And tossing a little “liquid courage” into the mix only makes it worse.

If it stays aimed at the TV screen, or at the football field, it’s fine.  Every fan is entitled to curse out there team.  It becomes a problem when it gets focused elsewhere.

Trying to give life lessons when you’ve been drinking is not a good idea, Mr. Philosophy.  Mainly because your life lessons will be lost in a pile of “coherent stupidity”.  Seriously, a simple lesson like “don’t do drugs” will turn into:

Ya know.  You shouldn’t do that!  Never do that!  That’s crazy!  I don’t even… NO!  DON’T!  I really like the Chinese food from Wok and Roll.  Did you know they even have sushi?  I KNOW! CRAZY!  But don’t do it, seriously, cause I’ve got a family member that no one knows about, but he totally has problems, and you should totally listen to me when I’m talking.  I’M BEING SERIOUS! I love the General Tso’s from there!  It’s so good.  No.  Don’t do it.  It’s bad.

The conversation at the heart of things quickly degrades into a half-intelligent half-ridiculous mess.

I am a big culprit of this.  For some reason, I feel like I have something important to talk about when I’m in the “coherent stupidity” stage.  Last night was one of those nights.  I know I have at least a few people to apologize to for rambling on and on about what was likely nothing.  My only hope is that I didn’t say anything too stupid and no feelings were hurt.

So, take it from me.  When you’ve been drinking, seriously, don’t try and give anyone any life lessons.  Don’t.  Don’t do it.  No one cares.  But really, the General Tso’s at Wok and Roll is really good.  It’s really tasty.  And did you know they have sushi?


One response

  1. pyzocha

    We’ve all been there and we’ll all go there again. It’s the fun of drinking!

    November 22, 2010 at 8:31 pm

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