Posts tagged “drboozenstein

Beer Madness! (An ode to ale, college basketball, and day drinking)

You are probably an American or living in America.  (If you are not, please click this link.)  Since you are an American or have had America thrust upon you, then I am sure you are aware of the big month-long amateur sporting contest that begins this week.  This contest is a great opportunity to gamble and to slack off at work while doing research* for your impending gambling binge.  The great thing about this implicit endorsement of wagering on the physical performance of 19-year-old boys, is that everyone can participate and anyone can win.

Your college is not represented?  Fill out your bracket predicting the 1st round demise of your hated rival.  You don’t know the difference between a box-in-one and a box of shit?  Fill out your bracket based on which mascot would win in a fight. You know more about college basketball than Dick Vitale and Bill Raftery?  I guarantee your bracket will not win.  Karen from accounting is going to win because she likes Kansas State’s purple uniforms.

In honor of this great gambling orgy, J Street Beer is doing you a favor.  We have combined your two favorite things into one great thing. Alcohol and gambling. Together at last! That’s correct, we are hosting our inaugural J Street Beer Madness Super-Brew Tournament For The Ages (JSBMSBTFTA, for short).  Over the next few weeks we will whittle our 64 brews down to one supreme beer champion.  View the bracket below and then vote on the individual match-ups. The voting will be for a complete 24 hour period and each match-up will coincidentally be voted on during the same day as the corresponding match-up in that other tournament that everybody in your office will predict better than you.  When we get to the excellent eight final beers, J Street Beer will have head-to-head taste tests to determine the winner.

On to the match ups…


Brew Review- Brouwerij Van Steenberge N.V.’s Piraat Ale

The Belgian IPA pours a slightly cloudy golden and light amber color.  10.5% alcohol by volume which you can smell on the nose along with caramel, but it does not have a strong alcohol flavor except a little in the aftertaste (could be dangerous).  It is a bottle conditioned/living beer and produces quite a bit of head.  Taste has herbal hop flavor, earthy notes, bitter citrus, and a tart dry finish.  Good mouthfeel with a good amount of carbonation that comes with bottle conditioned brews.  Overall, very drinkable, but be responsible.  Too much and you may start committing acts of drunken piracy.

Donald “Don” Von Matterhorn
Revelry and Recreational Sports Division
Von Matterhorn Industries International Unlimited Global Inc.


The Beer Fairy Hates Me

Sometimes, the beer fairy makes a visit and leaves great treasures in your fridge, or on your porch.  I woke up Sunday with just such a treasure.  I get up before 9am almost everyday because I have a dog that can’t shit in a toilet.

During the week, that lazy sack of shit stays in my bed until the last possible second.  I get out of the shower and there he is, sleeping with his head on the pillow and covers pulled up over his body like some fucking petulant school child trying to play hooky.  He waits until my clothes are on and I double check to make sure all my stuff is ready for work.  Only when I grab the leash does he reluctantly drag his ass out of bed with what I can only describe as the most over-exaggerated stretching routine.  Then he looks at me like I am disturbing him from some super important dog business.  I take him to the park, but he takes his sweet fucking time finding a place to piss and shit.  Then he slowly ambles back to the house sniffing every goddamn thing on the way home for 3 minutes.  Fuck that dog.


3xB: Olde English 800

Pop quiz:  What is the greatest combination of food and drink possible?

a) Filet Mignon and Cabernet

b) Canned Tuna and Yoo-Hoo

c) Peach Schnapps and Black Liquorice

d) Spaghetti and 40s

Too easy.

What is the greatest combination of 2 things ever?

a) cocaine and blow jobs

b) world peace and unlimited money

c) weed and the Muppets Take Manhattan

d) spaghetti and 40s

The answer to both questions is “d”.


3xB: Abita Abbey Ale

This Week’s Big Bottle:  Abita Abbey Ale


Nice Mussels, Bro. No Homo!

Man cannot live on beer alone.  Although in college my friend acquaintance Matt Gyzlowski lived on only beer for a week.  The results were not encouraging.  He was near delirious most of the week.   I do not recommend trying to do this,  but old Gyz did win a $500 bet.  Either for survival or just because you are a typical overweight American glutton, you have to eat.

But that does not mean you have to stop drinking beer.

And that usually doesn’t mean you have to stop drinking really good beers.


Brew Review-Bud Light in a Rented Tuxedo

For the price of 3 regular Miller Lites you can have 1 Miller Lite in a fancy can!

Yo mama got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job.

Yo mama is so fat her blood type is gravy.

Yo mama is so stupid that she slept on the floor when she was locked inside the mattress store.

Yo mama is so ugly Jane Goodall followed her home from the welfare office.

Two truths and a lie:  I love yo mama jokes.  I really enjoy pilsners.   I have never had a bad beer from Oskar Blues.


Brew Review-Butternuts Beer and Ale Heinieweisse

Looks like a soda to a cop.  You SHOULD drink it while driving!Butternuts Beer and Ale is a fun and focused brewery in upstate New York.  They only offer four different brewing styles and they only come in cans, which is definitely unusual for a craft brewing outfit.  I like this touch because the cans don’t really look like beer cans.  They look more like fancy sodas, so I can drink this beer when I walk my dog in the neighborhood.  Hooray for looking less creepy! (more…)

3xB: Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary Imperial Helles Bock

This week’s Big Bottle:  Sierra Nevada 30th Anniversary Imperial Helles Bock


The Importance of Proximity: What Makes a Great Local Bar.

you will be a lot less depressed walking out of this building.

you will be a lot less depressed walking out of this building.If you have a full-time job, then you probably spend the majority of your awake time in an office you can’t stand with people who make you fantasize that abortion was legal up to the 150th trimester.  You probably live in a house or home of varying upkeep and condition.  You probably live with one or more other persons who you may hate with the intensity of a thousand Suns, genuinely love and respect, or think are just ok-depending on how difficult they are making your life at the particular moment you can recall their name.  You need a place to go when you aren’t watching your stories and your boss is not expecting you at work.  You need a local bar.

There are lots of things necessary for a great local bar.  They are beer selection, clientele, atmosphere, localness, price, and wildcard. (more…)